I just don't know much any more
by Joe Murray, nationally syndicated columnist

But I'm not just getting older, I'm getting dumber.
I used to know almost everything. Now, I hardly know anything.

Some people, when they say that, are kidding.
What they mean is, they've come to realize they don't
know nearly as much as they once thought they did.

But I really did used to know everything.
I can still remember how it felt, to be completely and totally sure of myself and my judgment.
It felt doggone good.

But that's about all I remember of it. I've forgotten the rest -the everything else.

For what it's worth, my wife disagrees.
She says I never did know much, that I only thought I did.
But she's getting older, too. She's forgotten how smart I used to be.

But that's just part of the problem.
They say you're only as old as you feel. Well, I wish I felt as old as I am.

I keep waiting to mature. I've been waiting since I was 18.
As far as I can determine, I've made no progress whatsoever.

It seems that I may skip maturity all together,
go directly from adolescence to senility, from my first childhood to my second.

In the meanwhile, I'm faking it. Here lately, I'm starting to
suspect that some other people have been faking it,
too - people who know good and well they have no business in
positions of reponsibility, seeing as how they never got
past being 18. But they need the money.

I've considered asking some of them, straight out.
But they'd probably just fake an answer.

One good thing I've noticed about being older,
women are staying pretty so much longer than they used to.

When I was 18, women stopped being pretty when they got past 23
or 24. Nowadays, I see women who are twice that age and
older and who are still really good-looking.

Why that is, I don't know - advance of medical science I suppose.

But sometimes I wonder if it's just me.
Most everything else is.

My wife probably knows. The older I get, the more she seems to
know most everything. But I don't ask her about pretty
women. I know better. At least I still know that much.